I became involved with a discussion on the Transliving Forum, a discussion about ‘Late-onset gender Disphoria (GD)’, which describes people like myself, whom have no idea that we are girls until we are in our forties. Looking back, there were hints, which I’ve mentioned else where, but they where/are vague; and some of you will rightly believe that they only show up now due to the telescope / microscope that is 20/20 hindsight vision. The term ‘late-onset’ isn’t a medical one, it’s just colloquial, or so I gather. There are a lot of people who don’t come out until their forties, or later, because of their circumstances, like waiting for the kids to grow up or leave home, or what ever, but they have known they were gender dysphoric for quite some time at that point, even if that wasn’t what they actually called it.
It was a fascinating thread though. At least 3 other people had not had an idea that they were harbouring a girl physche inside themselves. When I was first diagnosed as having GD, I checked up on it on the web. The article I found mentioned that people became aware of their GD very early on, pre-puberty being quite common; it mentioned that GD could appear later in life, becoming very strong in people’s forties. It didn’t say that it was a rare occurrence. The counsellor I got referred to didn’t say it was rare either, although he said I didn’t have the single-mindedness about it that people he saw usually had. I think still feeling that I am a girl, and rejoicing in the fact, six and a half years later; spending almost every waking minute thinking about being a girl; how to be even more girlie: how to get all the girlie bits I want; hating those male appendages with a passion; well, if that isn’t single-mindedness, then what is? It’s not surprising that older people take a more moderate view, having built up a life with a family, mortgage, businesses, and a whole host of other experiences, and responsibilities, all colouring how they feel they can react.
A girl pointed out that some of the ‘reasons’ that we put forward for not transitioning or whatever, were actually just ‘excuses’. I think she is probably right, so my excuse for not transitioning is my love for Jay, and being scared to go it alone is in there too. For my part, Jay’s vehement hatred of my girlie side doesn’t make any difference to what I am, or what I think I am. I can let her block me looking and acting the woman I am, but she can’t stop the luscious feelings of femininity I feel, and I can’t stop the sadnesses that hit me from time to time, that this situation causes.
One of my role models is Tina Cortina, who has a delightful way with words, so check out her blog. She makes very interesting reading. See my Blog Roll for the link