Late onset chatter

I became involved with a discussion on the Transliving Forum, a discussion about ‘Late-onset gender Disphoria (GD)’, which describes people like myself, whom have no idea that we are girls until we are in our forties. Looking back, there were hints, which I’ve mentioned else where, but they where/are vague; and some of you will rightly believe that they only show up now due to the telescope / microscope that is 20/20 hindsight vision. The term ‘late-onset’ isn’t a medical one, it’s just colloquial, or so I gather. There are a lot of people who don’t come out until their forties, or later, because of their circumstances, like waiting for the kids to grow up or leave home, or what ever, but they have known they were gender dysphoric for quite some time at that point, even if that wasn’t what they actually called it.

It was a fascinating thread though. At least 3 other people had not had an idea that they were harbouring a girl physche inside themselves. When I was first diagnosed as having GD, I checked up on it on the web. The article I found mentioned that people became aware of their GD very early on, pre-puberty being quite common; it mentioned that GD could appear later in life, becoming very strong in people’s forties. It didn’t say that it was a rare occurrence. The counsellor I got referred to didn’t say it was rare either, although he said I didn’t have the single-mindedness about it that people he saw usually had. I think still feeling that I am a girl, and rejoicing in the fact, six and a half years later; spending almost every waking minute thinking about being a girl; how to be even more girlie: how to get all the girlie bits I want; hating those male appendages with a passion; well, if that isn’t single-mindedness, then what is? It’s not surprising that older people take a more moderate view, having built up a life with a family, mortgage, businesses, and a whole host of other experiences, and responsibilities, all colouring how they feel they can react.

A girl pointed out that some of the ‘reasons’ that we put forward for not transitioning or whatever, were actually just ‘excuses’. I think she is probably right, so my excuse for not transitioning is my love for Jay, and being scared to go it alone is in there too. For my part, Jay’s vehement hatred of my girlie side doesn’t make any difference to what I am, or what I think I am. I can let her block me looking and acting the woman I am, but she can’t stop the luscious feelings of femininity I feel, and I can’t stop the sadnesses that hit me from time to time, that this situation causes.

One of my role models is Tina Cortina, who has a delightful way with words, so check out her blog. She makes very interesting reading. See my Blog Roll for the link


2 Responses to “Late onset chatter”

  1. TinaCortina Says:

    Hi Anna,

    I didn’t know I was a role model and am not sure I deserve it. My situation is different to yours in that I just like dressing, going out, having fun as a tgirl, but although I have times when I feel oh so feminine and comfortable in that, I also recognise my many male traits, some of which I like.

    As such I would have no wish to transition even if it had no impact on anyone else…..but to be out and about having girly times, that is cute. As one of my friends said in Brighton recently, I couldn’t do 24/7, it is too much like hard work. But for those that feel they are woman 24/7, it must be really tough acting male.

    I find that many TS’s that have made the decision to transition feel validation by others following their chosen path. That is why they often advise all and sundry to ‘come out’, then to take hormones, go full-time etc. They want to be less a minority and that is why they call ‘reasons’, ‘excuses’.

    My own take on this is that you have to really really want to go down that route. There will be hardship and a lot of sacrifices, running the greatest risk of losing love and support from those closest to you. So if individually you choose not to, that to my mine, shows bravery and courage and true love.


    TinaCortina x

    • Anna Arendt Says:

      Hi Tina, thanks very much for your comments and support.

      It’s because you are so different from me; not wanting to transition, happy with your male side as well as you feminine times, and taking it all in your stride without the problems and angst people like me have; that’s why I admire you; and you are literate, expressive and interesting to read, but that’s extra – LoL. You are comfortable with what you are and I have become comfortable with what I am – it’s just your style is so much more user hassle free. You and A-M appear so switched on with life, and you get to have loads of fun. I don’t want to be less me, and more like you; but from friends like youself and others, I’ve learnt to become happy with the male-isms that I still have, (to coin a new word)- except the physical side – I can’t get to like genetalia and so forth. The angst as such has passed too, by associating with the trans community in general, and my friends in particular; it’s just the problems of being transexual in a heterosexual environment, that remain.

      I would like to come out of the closet; to add my bit to the community; do my bit to make our community less of a minority; but I couldn’t go through all that without the support of Jay, I’m just not strong enough. Yes, I hope it’s my love for Jay that is the biggest reason / excuse – LoL- for not transitioning – and not because I lack the courage.


      Anna x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s