I was swapping comments with Tina, and I said “I don’t do introspection” – which doesn’t mean I haven’t done it in the past, or won’t do it in the future. I’m more into auditing at the moment – emotional and hard cash. Because I get very little en femme time (but more than some poor girls) I audit my purchases; is this ‘something’ going to give value for money when I’m only going to use it on a few 30 minute sessions a month? I’ve got a bit of my lovely dad in me – he was gentle, and very reluctant to spend money – but only a little of him, LoL. I sometimes wonder if the emotional hassles are worth it too – but so far I’ve always decided that it is. I may not be able to decide otherwise I suppose, seeing what I am – my head saying female, my body showing a male. HHHmmmm this looks like introspection to me – LoL.
We went to Kent to start the process of disposing mum’s belongings, now that she is in care. She has gross short term memory loss, and doesn’t know where she is most of the time, or what she did some hours ago. Anyway, I brought home some photos and negatives. In among the b&w pics was a photo of myself with a doll and my younger sister. If you have read some of my first posts, you’ll remember that I said I used to play with dolls, but stopped when people started making comments about it. I’m quite young here, 4 or so, and I think I played with dolls until I was 6 or 7. Just guessing! But I remember that it was the tone of the comments (you know how nasty older siblings can be sometimes), that put me off playing with dolls. I so adored babies, (and still do), when they came into our lives.
Anyway, I was so pleased finding the photo, because I remember being happy with dolls. It lends credence to my memories too, do you think? I have recently been wondering if I can find a small doll, as an ornament for my computer desk. Dolls keep making an appearance in my life, but they are always someone’s else’s. Perhaps at 60+ I’m a bit old to be hankering after dolls again – LoL. I like to think that perhaps there was a bit of tgirl in me all those years ago.