Merry Xmas and a sad Farewell

I’ll start by wishing you all a happy and merry Xmas, and a super 2012. Although Xmas is a religious event for a lot of religions, it was actually borrowed from a Pagan festival I believe. I must check with my youngest, who is a Pagan, and they share gifts a few days earlier or later than we do. Anyway, don’t let the religious significance spoil the party if you are not of a religious nature – and whether you have a god or not, may you all be guarded and guided safely through the next year, in one way or another.

We have been close to the gods recently, because my adorable, but stubborn, clever, interesting, frail, aggravating, funny, and nice and normal 96 year old mum, passed away. She suffered from short term memory loss, which is a form of dementia. It started four or five years ago, and went from benign to chronic, Two years ago she couldn’t remember anything beyond the last five minutes – except really old stuff. We used to get her talking about the old days, and she had loads of amusing tales, and this took her mind off the present. Because she knew she couldn’t remember anything, she was in a constant state of anxiety, as she was always imagining that she had forgotten something very important. Telling her she hadn’t only calmed her for a few minute, and this shortened to seconds as time went on. !6 months ago we put her into a care home, and she improved a bit with the constant care, because she was eating and drinking better.The desease took it’s toll though, and in the last few months she ate and drank less and less, until it was virtually nothing. Her last few weeks were tough on her, and her carers too, watching her die.

Mum on a good day, after a day out from Park View Care Home

So I’m mum-less. We had a nice funeral service, and her ashes are going to be buried at a pretty little church on the downs, at Crundale. I thought I was ready for this, but seemingly I wasn’t. Every nice word, and nice wishes from friends, close or from the net, sets me off. If nature had been kind (and I realise that nature is neither cruel or kind, not having a soul), she would have died when she was more healthy. Mum was in Kent, and we live in Wales, so we went down for a week at a time, every six or seven weeks or so, and we still had some lovely moments with her, even in the last few months. Some visits were heartrending of course, depending on how she was on each day. If our last visit before coming home was a good day, then that was nice, but when the last day wasn’t,……

I never got to tell her about Anna, but I don’t think she would have batted an eyelid. She made up her own mind about things, and our kids adored her, and she them, so her Xmases with us were lots of fun, and she had no problems with them being gay. Mind you, Jay didn’t either, but then she can’t cope with my genderdysphoria.

Life goes on, and we will be fine in while. I’ll do what I do best, just roll with the feelings and weepy bits, until a new status quo settles down, and we’ll remember and reminisce over her life with much laughter.

Thanks to every one who has left nice comments and thoughts on Facebook and Transliving International – you are all wonderful, and I appreciate your caring immensely.

Hugs Anna x

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5 Responses to “Merry Xmas and a sad Farewell”

  1. TinaCortina Says:

    Hi Anna,
    I’m so sad to hear about your loss. I won’t be able to say anything that will make you feel better, only time will do that. You can only feel that she led a good life and I can see my her photo that she was a very fine woman. I am sure that you are right that in time you will remember the better parts of her life but I know it will be difficult over the festive period however you celebrate it.
    May I wish you my heartfelt best wishes and hope that your whole family will come together for her memory.
    Hugs Tina x

  2. Anna Arendt Says:

    Hi Tina,

    Actually, I have found that every message I get is a comfort, as it’s so nice getting every ones kind and lovely thoughts, and thanks so much for yours. She was quite beautiful in her day, very intelligent, and a feisty woman – I remember the crockery flying through the air when I was a kid – whether dad deserved it or not, I’ll never know, LoL.

    It would be nice if she welds the family together in death, as she did in life.

    THanks again Tina.

    Hugs, Anna x

  3. susanmiller64 Says:

    Hi Anna,
    Sorry for your loss, it is never easy to lose someone we love but we can always remember them and their love and how they touched our lives. Their memories will live on and they will always be in our hearts. My heart goes out to you and your family
    Hugs
    Susan

  4. Anna Arendt Says:

    Thank you Susan,

    We know in our hearts that it was the right time for it too happen – I wouldn’t want to go through her last year. You are right of course, she touched our lives and hearts in many ways. Jay’s mum lives on, not just in the memories she left behind, but in all the skills she had, which she passed on to Jay, some of which will live on in our daughter too. It’s all fascinating, but still sad at the moment.

    Thanks again for your kind thoughts. Have fun and a merry Xmas.

    Hugs, Anna x

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