Anna in Suspension

Apologies for dropping off the radar, but it’s been a weird year. I read early on after discovering Anna, about purges; people purging their wardrobes trying not to be the girls they were. I decided I’d never do that.
And I haven’t, but the last year has been a virtual purge at the mental level. I guess that accompanies every ones purges, I just hadn’t realised it.
I did have a respite in August 2012. Jay got an awful thing in her legs. They tried antibiotics at home, and put dressings on the massive blisters. It still got worse, and her toes went black, so they put her in hospital, and it took ten days of a mixture of intravenous antibiotics to get it under control. The blisters had nearly got to the top of her thigh. It was awful. When ever I thought about it, for months afterwards, I burst into tears.
None of this stopped me having a really good girly time. I painted my toe nails, and it was so gorgeous seeing them all the time. I also washed all my girl clothes and got them nice again, and slept every night in a nightie. Fantastic. Wore my feminine clothes all the time in the house of course.
And then Jay came home – and the withdrawal feelings made me so sad too.

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Medicationally Speaking

I have been a bit out of sorts, and after a message from Calle, it may be the girl hormone things for my prostate. I hadn’t banked on the medication doing things to me like that. It could be just a relapse into my depressive condition of course, which raises it’s ugly head every now and then. I had to stop work the last time one started, eleven years ago now, and that took me all the way to retirement, which was a nice bonus.

Lets talk about fun and interesting stuff. How am I doing other wise? Well, the libido came back after a couple of months or so, and I had mixed feelings (ha ha) about that. Did this mean that my body was getting used to them, and that I wasn’t going to get the side effects I’d hoped for? I got hot flushes early on, and they have gone now too. However, my boobs, albeit small ones, have a nice feel to them, soft and firm and feminine; but the most noticeable thing being my body hair is thinning out. I first notice the other day that my knee hair hasn’t needed waxing for a long time, and still hasn’t got to that disgusting bushiness that I hate so much. The hair on my chest that I pluck, to leave a vee from neck to cleavage, hasn’t needed plucking for ages. A minute ago I just nipped into the bathroom to check the rest of my chest hair, and it is definitely thinner. So I’m pretty well chuffed to monkeys.

I mislaid a pair of my panties the other day, underneath something or other. Well – I moved the something or other, and Jay saw the panties, and went into a sulk, but I’m back underdressing again, but the stress and aggro doesn’t help. I’m still a lot better off than a lot of girls, and I’m not in a life threatening situation like some women, so I can’t complain – too much, LoL.

What Valentine’s Card?

Valentine’s day fell during the birthday bash, and I didn’t realise that, until we left home. I thought about it, but thought, ‘What the heck, Jay probably hasn’t remembered either’ – wrong – ouch. The boys had got a valentine’s card for each other, Jay had got a valentine’s card for me. Jay had forgotten to write in it, (she thinks the one she wrote in was left behind by mistake). I suggested I could write in hers and give it back, but they all vetoed that idea – LoL.

Nails. Jay and I have a problem with cracking and crumbling nails, and I saw an advert for ‘Hard as Nails’, a varnish that strengthens them. I bought some, and applied it. The advert said shake gently and apply one coat, the bottle said shake well, and apply multiple coats. It was made by Sally Hansen. I’d been wearing the varnish for 24 hours before Jay noticed it, even though I’d told her I was going to try it out.

“It looks like nail varnish”, she accused me.

I guess I applied the coats too close together, as a lot of it fell off very quickly. I then decided to do my toe tails, and applied just one coat, and this before the holiday. Jay didn’t notice a thing. After two weeks, there wasn’t a blemish anywhere, so I’ve given them another coat. You can buy it in clear, as I did, or pink. I broke a thumb nail last week, so I painted the edges of the nail, and it smooths off all those annoying hooky bits that grab at your nylons. I filed the nail first, but filing doesn’t usually get rid of all the imperfections, so I’m pretty pleased with the stuff now.

Acceptance – maybe? it’s really tough when a partner gets all antagonistic over one’s femininity, (or anything else really), and in fact, any confrontation is hard to cope with, and I feel so much for Helen in that respect. But picture this; we are in Lidl’s, and we are looking at ski jumper things. They had blue and lilac, but we had missed the intro date, and so there were very few left. In fact, there was only one in my size, and that was blue.

Jay found them, and was looking through them for my size. She picked up quite a few, but they were the girl versions. I went through them as well, and I remarked, “The only other one’s left that are my size are women’s”.

“If you want them you’ll have to buy them yourself, I’m not buying them for you”, Jay said.

We walked away with the blue one, (they are so comfy, I forgive them for being Bob stuff), and I’m thinking that that is as close to an acceptance speech that I have ever heard. Mind you, I’m not going to push my luck – just yet, LoL.

Lips and Nails

This has been a fun week, with lots of blog to reads, ad some interesting topics. Tina’s ‘Honesty Hurts’ (Read it here ) threw up a lot of interesting comments, and all those adorable sights on the right of this blog have had interesting bits going on too. Both Tina and Susan have the skill at seeing the important bits behind your writings, and coming up with stuff I hadn’t thought of.

A bit of pressure from Jay this week though – complaints about my lack of leg hair, and that I’m making my nails too girlie. I’m going to show you my hands and nails. OK, I own up to getting them as girlie as possible, but at the moment I’m failing miserably – ‘cos’ they are nothing like girlie, and the physicality (a nice Strickly Dancing term) of them means they are NEVER going to be girlie. But I can live with that – not that I have any choice, do I , LoL.

The offending nails

Lipstick; I have been carrying on with the practising / experimenting of applying the stuff. I have three lipsticks, two are Rimmel ones, and a third unbranded. Number three leaves very little tell-tale signs on my drinking glass, the Rimmel ones are awful, in that they leave big lip shaped marks behind. So it’s not just technique, that helps cover your tracks, the darn things vary too. OK – I’m practicing, so I buy the cheapest, but I hadn’t realised how much they vary. I guess I’ll have to buy better and more expensive ones, and I still haven’t got my lip-liner yet – LoL.

I’m going to be out of net contact, for a few days, but with my new phone, at least I can read all your blogs as you write them. Interestingly, I can read blogs off the phone without raising Jay’s suspicions, (so far, LoL) whereas, when I’m on the computer, she suspects I’m up to no good as standard – LoL.

Have fun, Hugs Anna x

More Make-up Moments. (I really should write headlines for the Sun !!)

I mentioned in an earlier post that I was collecting the ‘Make-up Master Class’ pages from ‘You’ magazine in the Mail on Sunday. Before you say, ‘How could you read that awful paper’, and I know, their record on condemning minority groups rather than supporting them, puts the paper in a poor light, but we only get it for the crosswords and ‘You’ supplement – so that’s my excuse. The ‘Make-up master class’ is written by Jemma Kidd, and I hadn’t paid much attention to her as a person, but it appears she really is a well renowned make-up person.

I have probably got 70 or 90 issues of her master class, but in one of her recent lipstick articles, she explained how to put it on – and you thought t was so obvious didn’t you – but not to me. It appears I should have been applying more than one layer, and taking off the excess each time with a tissue. I’ve seen girls on the tele do this, and wondered why they were removing the stuff. It seems that layering builds up a firm and long lasting cover. Not only that, it actually looks better than the single smear I’ve been doing now. It’s brilliant. So thank you Jemma Kidd, you’re my heroine, or better still, a role model – should that be make-up model – LoL.

Do remember the hint I got about brown mascara? Well, I bought some yesterday. Actually, it appears that brown is short-hand for brown/black, or so the lady in Boots make-up area told me. She asked me what brand I wanted, and I said, ‘It doesn’t matter, I’m just practising at the moment’, and neither of us batted an eye-lash. Don’t ask me why I said it, but it’s probably that – I want to be normal in the girlie sense – and also the, ‘Why should I feel ashamed of who or what I am?’ syndrome. I do accuse myself of not ‘putting my money where my mouth’ is kind of thing, so it was nice actually to take a stand on it. There are lots of you, out there doing things in public, and I envy and admire you all, so this was my little bit.

Oh yes, the brown mascara that is really a brown shade of black – I was advised, if you remember, that I could wear it in bob mode, and to use it on the upper outer lashes only. I’m at home, with Jay, and we have my niece-in-law coming for lunch, and —- I’ve had it on all morning, without a hint of suspicion from my lovely Jay. Another triumph for girlie-hood I think. LoL.

Hugs, Anna x

Coming Clean about 2010.

Hi Every one, Happy new year again.

I know some of you are probably wondering what happened in the weight department, since I copied Helen last January, and telling you gorgeous girls I was going to lose some weight. I use the Wii Keep Fit plus to ensure I keep an eye on things, and for some fun exercising stuff. Mid year saw me drop out of the overweight band, but it was a – ‘is she, isn’t she’ thing – and I promised myself I wouldn’t brag about it, until I stayed out of the darn thing for a whole week. Hmmm, and no, you didn’t miss the earth-shattering event. And then we went on trips, and holidays, and it went back up. However, I ended the year half a stone lighter than I started, so I want to repeat that this year. The sad news is that I put 6 lbs. on over xmas and the new year – how silly is that; I could have been nearly a stone lighter with a bit more common sense in the nibble department – LoL.

Eyebrows! You remember we got the tip about using a comb and a razor to keep them trimmed? Tina commented that she users an electric trimmer. Well – I got one for Xmas, and before I went to bed Xmas day, I was in my bathroom trying it out. Brilliant little gadget, and works so well with the comb technique on the eyebrows.

Underdressing. For you girls who are out and about, or who get plenty of en femme time at home, underdressing isn’t probably a necessity. To me, with so little en femme time, it’s a way of feminising my time as much as possible while I’m in the closet. It isn’t a fetish thing that turns me on – it’s a way of feeling comfortable within my persona; a way of keeping as much girliness in my life as possible. And a bit of, one-up-womanship, over Mrs A, which is a bit naughty, and bitchy perhaps, but it helps me believe in a future of sorts, no matter how unattainable or believable. Does that make sense, believing in the unbelievable?

I so adore my bathroom. I get up to all my girlie things here. I like to begin my day here, getting dressed, putting on some eyeshadow, using girl creams, doing those eyebrows etc. In the evening I check out nails and stuff, and pluck and pamper myself, night creams and whatever. I shower and get ready for bed, and get things ready for the next day, clean tights at the ready etc. At this time of the year, wearing jumpers means that I can wear feminine t-shirts un-discovered. I adore the winter.

The problem with getting away with being girlie is that there is a sadness there too – I would so like to be a girl with Jay’s blessing. I’d so like like not to be a liar.

Happy new Year, Hugs Anna x

The Techno-ising of Anna – ish!!

I was going to do some crossdressing this evening, but I’ve decided to use the time to write a blog.

I’ve been quite happy with my mobile phone, which I’ve had 5 years or so. Keeping your old phone normally gets you cheaper tariffs on it’s upgrade birthday, but as I mentioned somewhere, I’ve taken on my sons iPhone, as he has upgraded to the 4 version. Oh my god, how good is it? Awesome, that’s what. In my normal lacklustre way with things technical, I am never going to learn everything it does – but who cares – the bits I have discovered are so brilliant.

Stupid or Brave? That is the next question. Somehow I got it to link with my iPhone account, my Geocaching account, and my Yahoo mail account – and all this in Bob mode for my Andy stuff. It was so easy, so after a couple of weeks I added my Anna Yahoo mail account. Yes – that’s the stupid or brave bit. Andy at Yahoo only gets sensible mail, all our main mail and joke rubbish goes through the computer with – with – hmm – some program that you click on, and it goes there and down loads the stuff. (Outlook Express – Ed!) For Yahoo, I log on manually and read everything on line at Yahoo HQ. I found all my Flickr update emails were coming to my phone – how cool is that. So that’s why I thought it would be cool to add my Anna account – it’s fantastic.

I can read all your blogs that get sent to Yahoo, right off the phone. Some, with wider columns are not very user friendly, cos it takes too much cursoring around, but the narrower ones, I can fit in the screen and just pan down as I read. So I get instant updates of all my mail, blogs, Angels and Transliving Internatiional posts, and Facebook bits. The mail updates don’t make a noise when they come in, unlike texts, so there are no tell tale give-aways. It’s so nice having my proper stuff, (Anna’s stuff), on the phone. I’m taking the risk as Jay is even less technically minded than I am, but if the world blows up, it’s my fault – LoL.

Do you remember I was experimenting with full-briefs underwear, and I said that I thought they would be too big, and would show above the waist line? I finally tried them out the other month, and worn with belted jeans, or sports-style-trousers with a tea-shirt tucked in, they are no trouble at all, and they are SO comfortable. I can under-dress quite safely with them. The other thing I like about girls underwear, is that they are so flattering; in as much that for reasons of restraint, and to keep everything tucked in, you need to wear items a couple of sizes smaller than your dress size. I’m a 16 top, 14 bottom, and so a 10 to 12 in panties – roughly speaking, as it’s amazing how sizes very from different suppliers.