Where is the Washing machine?

We were watching tele and caught the end of a who-dun-it. It involved the death of a rugby coach and he was murdered for being a cross-dresser or transgender maybe. The interesting thing was that he under-dressed when out and about in BoB mode. He kept his transgender side completely private, but I guess somehow, something showed – but as we didn’t see the whole thing I don’t know how it had happened. A comment was made that it is common for transgenders to underdress as it is the easiest feminine thing we can do, and usually perfectly unnoticeable. I had a sneaky glance at Jay, but she didn’t seem to put two and two together, and wonder if I do it.

If you have read some of my older posts, then you know I do underdress. Winter is a fab time for underdressing, as thick jumpers hide blouses and teeshirts very nicely, and baggy trousers hide tights and nylons. The big problem occurs when your partner is pathologically against anything feminine getting anywhere near you. Underdressing is easy – washing everything isn’t. Handwashing them is quite effective in the short term, but things need a good turn in the machine every so often.

I can only throw things in the washing machine when there is a very good chance that I can get to it first when it has finished, which means Jay has to be on an errand or busy in the hobbies room. This means I have to have a ‘dirty cupboard’ for clothes waiting for a wash. and also that I don’t wear things for more than a brief period, so they are still actually quite clean.

Isn’t life fun.! I am however blessed with a family that I adore and I would so like to share my real self with them, but as I’ve said before, my love for Jay and the status quo is stronger than my love of self. It’s my choice, and I try to make the best of it, and on the whole, life is good.

 

 

 

 

I want to say – Call me Anna

It’s not going to happen, but it’s what I yearn for. Even if I can’t dress as Anna it would be so nice that at least the family knew who I am. They can call be me what ever they like, but I’d like them to have the choice.

As I was saying to Tina, life is good being Bob with Jay, but the yearning is an ever present undercurrent. I carry makeup and underwear wherever we go, but underdressing is as far as it goes.

2016 was a funny old thing. Brexit and Trump. I can hardly believe it. In both cases the vote was for the people that caused all the problems. The Brexiteers believed the people saying we’ll have a fab NHS when we leave Europe, and this from the mouths of the very politicians who were trying to privatise the NHS. And the Americans believed Trump when he said he’d sort out corruption and big business shenanigans – and he’s one of the big business guys himself.

I just hope that the fallout from these people doesn’t ruin the planet, because in both groups, the vitriol and hatred they stirred up has given credence to people already harbouring those views and hate crimes and violence has been unleashed. A very sad state of affairs for humanity.

Back to business. I want to wish everyone a safe and fulfilled 2017.

New resolution – just a thought at this very moment. To keep in touch more often.

Hugs Anna.

 

Happy 2016 and other updates

First – I wish all readers and followers of my little blog, a happy, safe and rewarding 2016.

I notice that my little blog is still getting hits, so I thank you all most kindly.When I started my blog, it was with the hope that it would track my journey into some form of womanhood, and so I made it public and safe, with no sexy stuff of risqué photos, so that it was suitable for children and young adults looking for information on what others are going through. Unfortunately, I got glued into the closest. My fault, but I decided that the love of my wife Jay, and her love for me, was more important than gender emancipation, (if that’s the right word).

The hormones, even at the low level that my prostate is allowed, are doing a good job. My body hair continues to get thinner and thinner; my back no longer resembles a monkey’s; my chest hair has gone; my breast hair is very thin, and my arm hair has lost a lot of it’s colour and strength, which makes it invisible when I have tanned arms in the summer. My tummy hair is reluctant to go for some reason, as are the knees. Hanna (see my reading list) was bemoaning hair on her hands, but my hands and feet, together with my legs, were the first things I hit with the wax strips. I still have some hair on my hands, but it takes ages to grow now, and is thin and pale, so I don’t need to do them very much. I haven’t had to wax my legs for a couple of years now, bar the pesky knees of course.

I was hoping for some breasts by now, but even if they haven’t grown in actuality, they feel a nice size in my hand, and have that nice feel that Jay’s have. Viewed full on in a mirror they don’t look much at all.

The main thing about thinking of myself as a woman is that there is a big difference in how I perceive myself in my brain – and what I see in a mirror. The technique is not to let the mirror dissuade  me from my core feelings of self – and to look at myself as little as possible.

Christmas was fun, with all the GUKs (grown up kids) at home. I have recommenced underdressing most of the time , which keeps me sane and motivated. By most of the time, I mean all day from getting dressed after breakfast to getting undressed for bed at night. I have some super comfy nickers in short shorts style with Super Babe on them. I also tuck all the time, and this underwear keeps the essential bits that I hate so much, smoothed out and non-manly. It appeals to me to be womanised as far as possible when the GUKs are around – or anyone else for that matter, LoL.

That will do for now, but I have some gossip to share, so I’ll pop back again soon. Hugs to you all.

Anna.

Spring is Sprung, but not Anna

Last Year in January I started getting cramps in my legs – it was like someone had thrown a switch and turned them on. After a month of very bad ones I stopped taking my Statins. It took four or five months for them to ease off, and they haven’t gone entirely even now

Come September I went to the Health Centre for my annual check and we discussed the statins, and then we did all the usual blood tests. Guess what! the cholesterol was up. This was followed by a chat with the cholesterol nurse who put me on the Mediterranean Diet, which isn’t a weight loss diet, more a life style thing. I had a three month cholesterol check in December, and a six month check in March.

Well … Jay and I had put ourselves on the 5 and 2 diet. 5 days a week we eat normally, and on 2 we only have 500 calories. By the time I had the first cholesterol check I’d lost 10 lbs, but the cholesterol was up. Come the second cholesterol check I’d put a few lbs back on, but we’d had a holiday, so I called that a result. I’ve stagnated a bit since then but I’m still 8 lbs lighter, so pretty good really. The cholesterol? up again!! In that 6 months I had cut out all butter, margarine, margarine and butter lookalike spreads, plus I had cut out chips/French fries completely and only had boiled potatoes a couple of times a week – and my cholesterol had STILL gone UP. By the way – I’m back to eating chips again. Fish and chips are so yummy, and we have them once a week again now.

I had some giddy spells last month and went to see a doc, and it turned out to be nothing serious, just a side affect of another drug, Tamulosinhydroxide. I took the opportunity of chatting with him about my Cholesterol results. He said I had a particularly hight ‘good cholesterol’ count (1+) within the overall cholesterol (6.9) and not get hung up on this cholesterol and diet thing. He basically told me to just enjoy eating in a normal well balanced way, and not worry about it all.

A funny thing happened at Xmas. My son started to tell a story about a young boy of a friend of his, and the story had a crossdressing  transgender theme, and my daughter stared in my direction while he was telling the tale. So I guess they know or think they know about me. Doesn’t help though as I can’t push Jay into accepting me as Anna on the basis that the kids know already, because she won’t admit it. Jay made a comment about family, and so my son asked, “So what’s weird about Dad?” and of course she didn’t answer LoL.

It’s nice reading about what you girls get up to, and some of you have an amazing fun time – but it rarely includes family I notice. It’s going to be a long time before transgender is out in the open with our families, so getting public recognition could open the door for us. I feel I’m letting the side down by not doing my bit, out of the closet. Sorry girls. Nice that lots of you have fun, but sad that lots of you face persecution and abuse too.

The story? I’ve forgotten the tale, and only remember the flavour, as I was too busy watching my daughter in my peripheral vision, and being secretly pleased while I kept a blank expression. LoL.

Love and hugs to you all.

Polari on line Magazine – Carol Steel Interview.

Just a quickie to let you know about the article I’ve just seen on the Polari on line Magazine. It’s vey good.

http://www.polarimagazine.com/interviews/lives-no-longer-hidden-an-interview-with-carol-steele/

Ok, I guess I should let you know how things are going, while I’m here, after all, it would be impolite not too.

Hair is still receding everywhere, even off my breasts. Boobs aren’t getting bigger. Girlie time is zilch – it’s just all in my head, and not getting out. I’ve bought some more lipstick and nail varnish, just because it’s nice to get new stuff, even if I can’t use them – LoL. It’s almost a year since I had my week of girlie time.

I can’t complain really, as the bob with the lovely Jay is fun – it’s just not the fun I’d like to be having.

Have fun.

Hi Y’awl

I thought it was about time I put a new post up, or every one will think I’ve given up.

I had a super few days as Anna in December, because I had the house to myself for a week. Shopping, new tights, new night wear – just so nice. The closet is still firmly locked, and I’m still happy being Anna on the inside, and Bob on the outside. At times like last December, I do pine for the complete feminine experience, and dream and fantasise about a life as a girl. It’s not going to happen, because I’m still massively in love with Jay, and there’s no chance of acceptance from that quarter.

All my clothes are hidden away – but too far away that I can’t grab them at a minutes notice. Luckily, Jay hasn’t shown any interest in searching for things. I think finding them would mean that I’m still ‘not well’, and she doesn’t want to know that.

 

Some of my regular reads have dropped off the radar over the year, so I felt it was important to show that I may be closeted, but I’m still on screen. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blogs, albeit mostly by email, so sorry if I’m not helping your stats, LoL. I get Transliving International posts my email too, so I suppose I’m little miss lurker, LoL.

 

Have fun every one. Happy Mothers day and Easter to you all.

Hormones are Cool – the update

Since I got the hormones for other medical reasons, it has been fun to watch what has been happening. I was yearning for those ‘side effects’.

I had very thick body hair, especially on my arms, back and chest. I had been waxing my legs for some years, plucking a Vee in my chest hair, so no hair showed when I wore Vee necked sweatshirts etc, and doing the backs of my hands of course. My body and arm hair has thinned out massively, and I only have to wax the backs of my hands occasionally; what does grow, is barely noticeable you see. My legs are a delight, bar a couple of renegade areas – the knees – but with each waxing, the grow back takes longer, and gets weaker. That Vee from my neck to my cleavage needs less and less plucking to keep it pretty. Why don’t I wax that area? It goes bright red, and in fact, just breathing on it turns it red, but plucking doesn’t produce such a bright response; probably because it was ‘little and often’. I still have facial hair, but I can get by in Bob mode with not shaving every day. It wouldn’t work if I wanted to go out dressed Anna style.

Sadly, my boobs haven’t grown very much, if at all, but they do have a nice boob texture and feel about them. I would probably need to up the dosage a bit, but there is no way I’m going to self-med, (I have thought about the possibility, but other girls reckon it’s too dodgy), so I’m just pleased to have what I’ve got. LoL.

The lack of libido came back after several months, but nothing else came back with it, which funnily enough, hasn’t bothered me. This may not be the hormones of course, it may be a malfunction for other reasons. I’m not going to bother about finding out though. I must admit, I don’t read those instructions that come with medicines. I don’t want to know about side effects, just in case it encourages me to imagine things I haven’t actually got. I prefer to wait and see if anything happens or not.

Have fun and stay safe.
Anna

Anna in Suspension

Apologies for dropping off the radar, but it’s been a weird year. I read early on after discovering Anna, about purges; people purging their wardrobes trying not to be the girls they were. I decided I’d never do that.
And I haven’t, but the last year has been a virtual purge at the mental level. I guess that accompanies every ones purges, I just hadn’t realised it.
I did have a respite in August 2012. Jay got an awful thing in her legs. They tried antibiotics at home, and put dressings on the massive blisters. It still got worse, and her toes went black, so they put her in hospital, and it took ten days of a mixture of intravenous antibiotics to get it under control. The blisters had nearly got to the top of her thigh. It was awful. When ever I thought about it, for months afterwards, I burst into tears.
None of this stopped me having a really good girly time. I painted my toe nails, and it was so gorgeous seeing them all the time. I also washed all my girl clothes and got them nice again, and slept every night in a nightie. Fantastic. Wore my feminine clothes all the time in the house of course.
And then Jay came home – and the withdrawal feelings made me so sad too.

Facebook Shenigans

Being realistic, my feelings towards my own breasts is more wishful thinking than anything else, as it will probably take a year before any sure signs appear. But I like them.

We bought a new desktop computer at the beginning of the year, because the one Jay uses died. It gave out a few warning signs so I backed all the important docs and pics onto an external hard drive. The new machine uses Windows 7 Professional, which I don’t like. None of my software works, and it didn’t come with an email reader, you have to buy one at £100s. I had just got it all running, when the operating system went bonkers and wouldn’t start. With the aid of some info on the net and my tame IBM pal, I got it going. But I had some fun with Facebook.

Facebook, bless their hearts, will only let one account use your mobile phone, so when I added my girlie account to my phone, it dumped Jays, and told her so! “Don’t worry” I said, “it’s probably a software glitch”.

Somewhere along the line, I decided to join Facebook as my male self, not thinking there would be a problem. So their I am, getting Jay’s machine Facebook enabled, and the first person it shows Jay as a possible friend is Anna. Jay’s not very tolerant where computers are concerned, and she doesn’t appreciate the ‘help’ they try to give her. She doesn’t want friends apart from the few relations she plays scrabble with – her reason being, that they develop lots of ‘naff’ postings on her page that she has no interest in. I told her it was probably a friend of a friend of friend, that the useless software had turned up. Needless to say, when she wasn’t looking, I put Anna into the ‘block and don’t mention her ever again’ list.

I guess the software found Anna in my Andy mail list and thought it was a good idea to introduce her to Jay – NOOooo.

The next fun thing was a lovely visit from my lovely daughter. She decided to introduce Jay to a new game – Drawsomething by OMGsoftware – it is lots of fun, just like pictionary but you need an iPhone. Being a lovely girl, I put it in on my phone for her (I think she needs a serious birthday present – LoL) and it has been lots of fun watching the pics go back and forwards between her opponents. She has four, son and daughter and partners. I didn’t realise that Drawsomething could be a spectator sport, but it is. The only problem being, it uses Facebook for it’s login, and I had the Facebook app for my girlie account – needless to say, I have disabled it for now, and the program has to go to Facebook via Safari or 3G or whatever.

It is fun having a boy Facebook account, as I’ve connected to all the family across the globe. It’s nice seeing all the family pics of birthdays etc. I had just better not let a link show between them and Anna. OMG, you don’t suppose they get Anna on their hints page too do you. The answer has got to be yes I guess. I have put my photos out of reach of the public, as I didn’t want Jay getting nosey one day, so hopefully, I am still incognito to casual browsers. Sometimes technology can be too clever for our own good.

Hugs, Anna x

Medicationally Speaking

I have been a bit out of sorts, and after a message from Calle, it may be the girl hormone things for my prostate. I hadn’t banked on the medication doing things to me like that. It could be just a relapse into my depressive condition of course, which raises it’s ugly head every now and then. I had to stop work the last time one started, eleven years ago now, and that took me all the way to retirement, which was a nice bonus.

Lets talk about fun and interesting stuff. How am I doing other wise? Well, the libido came back after a couple of months or so, and I had mixed feelings (ha ha) about that. Did this mean that my body was getting used to them, and that I wasn’t going to get the side effects I’d hoped for? I got hot flushes early on, and they have gone now too. However, my boobs, albeit small ones, have a nice feel to them, soft and firm and feminine; but the most noticeable thing being my body hair is thinning out. I first notice the other day that my knee hair hasn’t needed waxing for a long time, and still hasn’t got to that disgusting bushiness that I hate so much. The hair on my chest that I pluck, to leave a vee from neck to cleavage, hasn’t needed plucking for ages. A minute ago I just nipped into the bathroom to check the rest of my chest hair, and it is definitely thinner. So I’m pretty well chuffed to monkeys.

I mislaid a pair of my panties the other day, underneath something or other. Well – I moved the something or other, and Jay saw the panties, and went into a sulk, but I’m back underdressing again, but the stress and aggro doesn’t help. I’m still a lot better off than a lot of girls, and I’m not in a life threatening situation like some women, so I can’t complain – too much, LoL.