Hi Y’awl

I thought it was about time I put a new post up, or every one will think I’ve given up.

I had a super few days as Anna in December, because I had the house to myself for a week. Shopping, new tights, new night wear – just so nice. The closet is still firmly locked, and I’m still happy being Anna on the inside, and Bob on the outside. At times like last December, I do pine for the complete feminine experience, and dream and fantasise about a life as a girl. It’s not going to happen, because I’m still massively in love with Jay, and there’s no chance of acceptance from that quarter.

All my clothes are hidden away – but too far away that I can’t grab them at a minutes notice. Luckily, Jay hasn’t shown any interest in searching for things. I think finding them would mean that I’m still ‘not well’, and she doesn’t want to know that.

 

Some of my regular reads have dropped off the radar over the year, so I felt it was important to show that I may be closeted, but I’m still on screen. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blogs, albeit mostly by email, so sorry if I’m not helping your stats, LoL. I get Transliving International posts my email too, so I suppose I’m little miss lurker, LoL.

 

Have fun every one. Happy Mothers day and Easter to you all.

Anna in Suspension

Apologies for dropping off the radar, but it’s been a weird year. I read early on after discovering Anna, about purges; people purging their wardrobes trying not to be the girls they were. I decided I’d never do that.
And I haven’t, but the last year has been a virtual purge at the mental level. I guess that accompanies every ones purges, I just hadn’t realised it.
I did have a respite in August 2012. Jay got an awful thing in her legs. They tried antibiotics at home, and put dressings on the massive blisters. It still got worse, and her toes went black, so they put her in hospital, and it took ten days of a mixture of intravenous antibiotics to get it under control. The blisters had nearly got to the top of her thigh. It was awful. When ever I thought about it, for months afterwards, I burst into tears.
None of this stopped me having a really good girly time. I painted my toe nails, and it was so gorgeous seeing them all the time. I also washed all my girl clothes and got them nice again, and slept every night in a nightie. Fantastic. Wore my feminine clothes all the time in the house of course.
And then Jay came home – and the withdrawal feelings made me so sad too.

Lips and Nails

This has been a fun week, with lots of blog to reads, ad some interesting topics. Tina’s ‘Honesty Hurts’ (Read it here ) threw up a lot of interesting comments, and all those adorable sights on the right of this blog have had interesting bits going on too. Both Tina and Susan have the skill at seeing the important bits behind your writings, and coming up with stuff I hadn’t thought of.

A bit of pressure from Jay this week though – complaints about my lack of leg hair, and that I’m making my nails too girlie. I’m going to show you my hands and nails. OK, I own up to getting them as girlie as possible, but at the moment I’m failing miserably – ‘cos’ they are nothing like girlie, and the physicality (a nice Strickly Dancing term) of them means they are NEVER going to be girlie. But I can live with that – not that I have any choice, do I , LoL.

The offending nails

Lipstick; I have been carrying on with the practising / experimenting of applying the stuff. I have three lipsticks, two are Rimmel ones, and a third unbranded. Number three leaves very little tell-tale signs on my drinking glass, the Rimmel ones are awful, in that they leave big lip shaped marks behind. So it’s not just technique, that helps cover your tracks, the darn things vary too. OK – I’m practicing, so I buy the cheapest, but I hadn’t realised how much they vary. I guess I’ll have to buy better and more expensive ones, and I still haven’t got my lip-liner yet – LoL.

I’m going to be out of net contact, for a few days, but with my new phone, at least I can read all your blogs as you write them. Interestingly, I can read blogs off the phone without raising Jay’s suspicions, (so far, LoL) whereas, when I’m on the computer, she suspects I’m up to no good as standard – LoL.

Have fun, Hugs Anna x

Shampoo and Strictly Make-up

I must tell you – I’ve discovered shampoo. I know, it’s been in the shops and on the tele for more years than I care to think about, but I thought it was all hype, so I used whatever shower gel I had to hand. The other day my daughter used my shower, (it doubles as the guest shower you see) and she left some Pantene Pro-V extra body shampoo and conditioner – I tried it, and it is GORGEOUS. My hair feels so silky and soft, and it lasts for a couple of days. No wonder girls are always doing their hair. Needless to say, I bought myself a bottle the next day. Jay wasn’t impressed – she normally gets her shampoo from Wilkinsons, who sell all the named brands at the best prices. We only go there when Jay wants to replenish her girlie stuff or get Xmas presents, and I wasn’t going to wait for THAT – LoL.

I’ve started using brown eyeliner today, just a bit, but I wore it around the house – not sure whether this is brave or stupid – time will tell. I have yet to get some brown mascara, as Demi suggested – (I was in Tesco’s, and Jay was busy at the cake counter, so I grabbed the eyeliner, and nipped through a check-out. I got my eyeliner and mascara confused – LoL.

I adore ‘Strictly Dancing’ – the American version is called ‘Dancing with the Stars’ I believe. All those gorgeous dresses and make-up, I’m in heaven. It’s one thing I can share with Jay, as she likes to cast a critical eye over everyone’s turnout, and so we can actually hold a discussion. She’s very uncomplimentary at times, and we have a different range of tastes – I like almost every thing she likes, and everything she doesn’t like – LoL.

I do wonder about the professionals sometimes, as they seem to choose most inappropriate stuff (dresses and make-up) for some people. If you like ‘Dancing on Ice’, just think what a mess of the clothing they made for the swimmer, Sharon – they made her look so gangly, it was as if they had something against her looking nice. On this series of ‘Strictly Dancing’, Michelle Williams looked lovely during the week, in rehearsals and interviews, but the make-up they put on her for the Saturday shows made her look very bony and hard faced – not like her usual glamorous self at all.

You may not want to take my word for it – from the most inexpert of make-up appliers that you are every likely to meet – but take a peek and check it out. Does that count as more homework? LoL.

Waxing Lyrical – Again!

‘Ok’, I thought, ‘lets put my wax strips where my mouth is’ – just figuratively of course. I did wonder, whether my big wax strips would be just as good, along the bikini line, as the little ‘ bikini line’ strips. So I put them to the test, and? I was wrong. The top of my thighs looked liked they had been kicked by a navvy – a thick line of bruises. The hair came away ok, but bon’t ask me why pulling hair off created such a mess, ‘cos I don’t know. I had to do some careful undressing for a while, so Jay didn’t spot the evidence – LoL.

We went to Kent for six days to see mum and various relations, and then onto Bristol. My son was having his graduation, his second one. He went through university many years ago, and graduated as an archeological preserver, but couldn’t get an archaeology type job, so he works in a call centre. His current employer paid for a Contact Centre Management degree, and it took three years; one afternoon a week off work, so that’s an eight hour day, four in the firms time, and four in his own time, plus all the homework etc. Lots of work, but he came away with a 2.1, so we are all pleased with that.

We didn’t go to the post ceremony party, as we all opted to do a bit of a family history hunt. We went to Berkeley, just outside Bristol, to see the house where my great granddad was born, and where he lived, before moving to Kent. We then went to see his mum and dads grave, in the local cemetery there, and it is such a pretty place, I wouldn’t mind being buried there myself – LoL. Not for a while I hope! The family worked at Berkeley Castle some of the time, but also had their own cooperage, brewery and sauces.

I had booked us into a guesthouse, on the outskirts of Bristol for two nights. I’d asked for a room with twin beds, thinking it would be cheaper than the doubles, but unfortunately, all the en suites were the same price. There was a surprise bonus for me though – it enabled me to sleep in my feminine underwear. I usually manage to underdress the last two days of a stay anywhere, but underdressing in bed – a sweet delight.

I’ve bought a brown eyeliner pencil, but I haven’t used it out yet. Every time I go out un-chaperoned, I take my lipstick, and put it on when I get to town. My eyeliner skills are so useless though, so at the moment I’m practising at home. It’s always a bit of a panic situation, as I never believe I’m going to get the stuff off cleanly, before reappearing downstairs en homme – LoL. It comes off a lot easier now that I’ve got the gen from Stacy, but it’s never a quick fix – or un-fix, LoL.

I’ve just read the instructions in my wax strip box, which tells me that I should cut the strips into small strips, before using them on the bikini line. They never remove 100% of hair, and I use each strip three to five times on the same area, to remove as much as possible. Reading other girls epilatory endeavours, leads me to think that no system is perfect.

A Lady in Waiting

I get lots of fun reading everyone’s blogs – not everyone on the net silly, LoL, just everyone I follow and hop through. I just adore all the differences we have, and the similarities with-in the differences – if you see what I mean. You all give me masses of fun, and more importantly, lots of hope.

Hoping for what – I’m not sure really – but probably that I can cope with the big discrepancy of what I’d like to be; like to have, and what I’ve got. There’s girls on Angels that have even less time and more hassles than me, so I’m not that badly off really. I’ve been going through a phase where I have hardly had any crossdressing time at all – not to be confused with underdressing and a little make-up, which I do all the time. But then yesterday, I had a very powerful need to crossdress, and do the whole transformation thing – not a good day for it though, so I got rather sulky and down about it all. Today? – everything is OK. Jay is heading for the hairdressers, which she hates, and I’m heading for my clothes cache. I just need to get the timing right – LoL.

So how did it go? Very nicely, but today it was weird, because I was like, androgenised, dressed in gear that both sexes wear, using Bob Togs, but feeling feminine, and looking fairly feminine too I think – (I hope!). I had a photo shoot, as you can see – more on Flickr – and enjoyed the short hour of illicitness – just so nice.

It’s now 4 days later, and Jay has been as grumpy as hell – that silent kind of grumpyness. I guessed she suspected I was going to play while she was out. But no, it’s a long boring story about how and why they got there, but I dropped a pair of bright blue frilly thongs, in the bedroom no less, and jay found them first. It took me a day and a half to realise they were missing, and then work out why Jay was silently grumpy. I am so a muppet. She did at least say that she still loves me. We so adore each other, but have this little mismatch that is Anna.

I read a story written by Girlscot, called Josh and Gail part 2. A conversation between two people, Josh coming out to Gail about being transgendered.

Go to http://www.fictionmania.tv
At the bottom of the page click on the word ‘ENTER’
Then cut and paste http://www.fictionmania.tv/stories/readtextstory.html?storyID=1286875449548092363

Cisgender, but that’s not me.

I came across this new term the other day, and it wasn’t obvious to me, what it was all about. A cisgender person is someone who is happy with the gender they were born with/as. Sadly, I found this after coming across a post on Angels or Transliving International. A girl was talking about a friends partner, who had been the subject of abuse by a transgendered person, who she criticised as being cisphobic.

Abuse in any form, and in any direction is abhorrent to most of us, and from what I have read in other girls blogs, there are lots of support out there from cisgendered persons. At the moment, I can’t get my head round the fact, at all. We get so much help from non transgender/ non gender dysphoric friends,family and partners, that to pick on someone else’s partner is beyond belief.

My son split up from his first serious partner, (I think), and was a bit upset that we didn’t cut our ties with him too. We had built up a bond of our own, and you can’t change your affections just like that. Had we gone off the deep end, it could have looked like we were being homophobic from an outsider, who didn’t know the whole tail. We aren’t homophobic as I’ve said, but that doesn’t mean we’ll like every gay person we meet, (and we haven’t); so perhaps the above subject event was a one off fallout, but as I don’t know what was said by whom, etc. I don’t know that. The tone in which we say things can put a completely different slant on even a simple statement, and no doubt the writer of the post had taken this in to account.

Lets raise our glasses, to all those cisgender, transgender, and any other gender people we know, and be tolerant of, and blessed with, all our differences.

Love and hugs to you all, Anna, xxx